Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
One of the things the article points out is something I've definitely noticed, that how people handle resolve conflicts is far more important than how often they experience conflict.
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
The Stitching Blogger’s Question of the Week is:
Do you ever get to a point working on a project that you’ve had for so
long, you start to wonder what possessed you to start it in the first
Of course! It has always happened with patterns I chose to do for someone else, though, rather than those I chose because I was interested in them. There are a few WIPs that have outlived the relationships that inspired them, and they may never be finished. That’s a bit embarrassing, but in at least one case I wouldn’t have ever started the piece if I’d really known what an unstable, vicious being the intended recipient was.
We had Chinese food together tonight, and played for a while. There was some ick, but I suspected that it was coming. The happy part is that my character’s oldest son (foster son, really) and his wife’s baby was born. First grandbaby! There have been many babies born in the last “year” of the game, and there are two more pregnancies in progress (not my character, people close to her). In fact, Sam has a “babies” section on the wiki, just for tracking their names and other information.
Cuddling an actual baby would be even better, but a healthy in-game baby was pretty sweet, too.
Sam said we had to stop after that, because there was no way he could top baby Desmond 😉
The interview we did is up!
Chronic Pain and Sex: a Couple's Gentle Battle With Fibromyalgia
I'm pleased with it. There are very few, mostly immaterial inaccuracies.
Sam and I just listened to “Female Characters,” episode 42 of the Game Master Show. The topic came up because Erin, one of the hosts, realized that she was willing to put female characters through some experiences that she wouldn’t apply to males. There was a fair amount of talk about the Heroine’s Journey and how it differs from the Hero’s Journey and some discussion of men playing female characters.
It was a really good episode, and while it is long I encourage you to give it a listen.
(This is going to be about adult topics, so if that’s going to bother you, don’t follow the cut link!)
I'd never heard of Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson (or of the author, at all) until I was browsing through some of the quotations at Gaia a while back. This bit is too long for my quotations file, but I love it too much to just delete it.
"You'll get over itâ€¦" It's the clichÃ©s that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it's The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to? I've thought a lot about death recently, the finality of it, the argument ending in mid-air. One of us hadn't finished, why did the other one go? And why without warning? Even death after long illness is without warning. The moment you had prepared for so carefully took you by storm. The troops broke through the window and snatched the body and the body is gone. The day before the Wednesday last, this time a year ago, you were here and now you're not. Why not? Death reduces us to the baffled logic of a child. If yesterday why not today? And where are you? Fragile creatures of a small blue planet, surrounded by light years of silent space. Do the dead find peace beyond the rattle of the world? What peace is there for us whose best love cannot return them even for a day? I raise my head to the door and think I will see you in the frame. I know it is your voice in the corridor but when I run outside the corridor is empty. There is nothing I can do that will make any difference. The last word is yours. The fluttering in the stomach goes away and the dull waking pain. Sometimes I think of you and I feel giddy. Memory makes me lightheaded, drunk on champagne. All the things we did. And if anyone had said this was the price I would have agreed to pay it. That surprises me; that with the hurt and the mess comes a shaft of recognition. It was worth it. Love is worth it.
After reading about the book, I was surprised to find that it isn't about the obvious sort of loss. The novel is described as an erotic homage to a lover's body, but one of the intriguing aspect is that the author never gives the narrator a gender. I'm going to try to find it to give it a read.
Yes, it was another date night. Yay! (They are the highlights of my week, with good reason.) The girl went out on a date, so we had the house to ourselves.
It still feels odd, at times, not to have any kids around, and not to even be worried about picking them up. We like the young man she’s dating, so we feel fairly good about her being out with him, and don’t get very nervous. Still, there’s a certain level of awareness that never seems to go away when you can’t personally verify your child’s immediate wellbeing.
In any case, it was a lovely evening. I do love my Sam, and he never does stop spoiling me.
It’s amazing how much a mid-week date can cheer you up! I do recommend regularly scheduled dates to anyone who has a significant other or others. Especially if you have kids!
The girl went out, as usual. She surprised us by coming home early. Not a problem, just unexpected. She’s gotten into the habit of knocking on the front door and waiting for a response before she walks in, to avoid seeing anything she might not want to see 😉 Smart girl!
It was a nice, boring day, which means I don't have much to talk about. Happily, other people do.
Open Relationships: What the World Already Has is a very good post over at Huffington by Jenny Block. I hope to read more from her. I definitely intend to get a copy of her book, Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage when it comes out in June.
I can't say that I was shocked to hear that the TSA forced a woman to remove her nipple piercings with pliers before allowing her to board a flight, but I am disgusted. I'm glad that I don't have to travel much, but I definitely think that the next time we do travel we'll give Amtrak serious consideration over flying.
Why is it that 29 total strangers have started "following" me on Twitter, when I haven't even logged in since the 21st?
My sweetie had to run a bunch of errands before he got home last night, which shortened our date a bit. Groceries were needful, though. We had some delicious deli-style sandwiches after he got home, so there wasn’t a kitchen mess to deal with, too.
I think we watched an episode of West Wing while eating. We’re on the fifth season, after Aaron Sorkin left the show, and it just doesn’t compare to the previous seasons at all. I haven’t even bothered to watch all of them, although Sam has. He catches me up on any important plot details I’ve missed between episodes.
The girl went out for her regular Wednesday night fun, which was also nice. It’s easier to have “date night” at home when we know she’s also having fun.
Much of our game was taken up with political stuff, and a nice surprise of 32 new proto-demons that my character’s minions were able to shape into full demons of needful types. She has many minions, which is marvelous. Oh, have I mentioned that she’s the Demon Queen now? Interesting sideline for a high priestess of a good deity.
I would really, really hate to have to do a character sheet for Seauclaire any more. She’d be so multi-classed that it makes my head hurt just to think about it. It’s nice not to deal with such things any more.