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What Can All Couples Learn From Same-Sex Marriages?

From
Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage

A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.

The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.

One of the things the article points out is something I've definitely noticed, that how people handle resolve conflicts is far more important than how often they experience conflict.

One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.

Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.

SBQ: Sick of a WIP?

The Stitch­ing Blogger’s Ques­tion of the Week is:
Do you ever get to a point work­ing on a project that you’ve had for so
long, you start to won­der what pos­sessed you to start it in the first
place?

Of course! It has always hap­pened with pat­terns I chose to do for some­one else, though, rather than those I chose because I was inter­est­ed in them. There are a few WIPs that have out­lived the rela­tion­ships that inspired them, and they may nev­er be fin­ished. That’s a bit embar­rass­ing, but in at least one case I wouldn’t have ever start­ed the piece if I’d real­ly known what an unsta­ble, vicious being the intend­ed recip­i­ent was.

Date Night – Baby!

We had Chi­nese food togeth­er tonight, and played for a while. There was some ick, but I sus­pect­ed that it was com­ing. The hap­py part is that my character’s old­est son (fos­ter son, real­ly) and his wife’s baby was born. First grand­ba­by! There have been many babies born in the last “year” of the game, and there are two more preg­nan­cies in progress (not my char­ac­ter, peo­ple close to her). In fact, Sam has a “babies” sec­tion on the wiki, just for track­ing their names and oth­er information.

Cud­dling an actu­al baby would be even bet­ter, but a healthy in-game baby was pret­ty sweet, too.

Sam said we had to stop after that, because there was no way he could top baby Desmond 😉

Adult Gaming

Sam and I just lis­tened to “Female Char­ac­ters,” episode 42 of the Game Mas­ter Show. The top­ic came up because Erin, one of the hosts, real­ized that she was will­ing to put female char­ac­ters through some expe­ri­ences that she wouldn’t apply to males. There was a fair amount of talk about the Heroine’s Jour­ney and how it dif­fers from the Hero’s Jour­ney and some dis­cus­sion of men play­ing female characters.

It was a real­ly good episode, and while it is long I encour­age you to give it a listen.

(This is going to be about adult top­ics, so if that’s going to both­er you, don’t fol­low the cut link!)

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TotD: Written On the Body

I'd never heard of Written on the Body by Jeanette Winterson (or of the author, at all) until I was browsing through some of the quotations at Gaia1 a while back. This bit is too long for my quotations file, but I love it too much to just delete it.

Written On the Body"You'll get over it…" It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it's The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to? I've thought a lot about death recently, the finality of it, the argument ending in mid-air. One of us hadn't finished, why did the other one go? And why without warning? Even death after long illness is without warning. The moment you had prepared for so carefully took you by storm. The troops broke through the window and snatched the body and the body is gone. The day before the Wednesday last, this time a year ago, you were here and now you're not. Why not? Death reduces us to the baffled logic of a child. If yesterday why not today? And where are you? Fragile creatures of a small blue planet, surrounded by light years of silent space. Do the dead find peace beyond the rattle of the world? What peace is there for us whose best love cannot return them even for a day? I raise my head to the door and think I will see you in the frame. I know it is your voice in the corridor but when I run outside the corridor is empty. There is nothing I can do that will make any difference. The last word is yours. The fluttering in the stomach goes away and the dull waking pain. Sometimes I think of you and I feel giddy. Memory makes me lightheaded, drunk on champagne. All the things we did. And if anyone had said this was the price I would have agreed to pay it. That surprises me; that with the hurt and the mess comes a shaft of recognition. It was worth it. Love is worth it.

After reading about the book, I was surprised to find that it isn't about the obvious sort of loss. The novel is described as an erotic homage to a lover's body, but one of the intriguing aspect is that the author never gives the narrator a gender. I'm going to try to find it to give it a read.


1 Yes, I'm TechnoMom there, like most places.

Sam and Saturday

Yes, it was anoth­er date night. Yay! (They are the high­lights of my week, with good rea­son.) The girl went out on a date, so we had the house to ourselves.

It still feels odd, at times, not to have any kids around, and not to even be wor­ried about pick­ing them up. We like the young man she’s dat­ing, so we feel fair­ly good about her being out with him, and don’t get very ner­vous. Still, there’s a cer­tain lev­el of aware­ness that nev­er seems to go away when you can’t per­son­al­ly ver­i­fy your child’s imme­di­ate wellbeing.

In any case, it was a love­ly evening. I do love my Sam, and he nev­er does stop spoil­ing me.

Hump Day For You, Date Night For Us

It’s amaz­ing how much a mid-week date can cheer you up! I do rec­om­mend reg­u­lar­ly sched­uled dates to any­one who has a sig­nif­i­cant oth­er or oth­ers. Espe­cial­ly if you have kids!

The girl went out, as usu­al. She sur­prised us by com­ing home ear­ly. Not a prob­lem, just unex­pect­ed. She’s got­ten into the habit of knock­ing on the front door and wait­ing for a response before she walks in, to avoid see­ing any­thing she might not want to see 😉 Smart girl!

Friday Links

It was a nice, boring day, which means I don't have much to talk about. Happily, other people do.

Open Relationships: What the World Already Has is a very good post over at Huffington by Jenny Block. I hope to read more from her. I definitely intend to get a copy of her book, Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage when it comes out in June.

I can't say that I was shocked to hear that the TSA forced a woman to remove her nipple piercings with pliers before allowing her to board a flight, but I am disgusted. I'm glad that I don't have to travel much,1 but I definitely think that the next time we do travel we'll give Amtrak serious consideration over flying.

Why is it that 29 total strangers have started "following" me on Twitter, when I haven't even logged in since the 21st?


1 Not that I wouldn't like to travel more for pleasure, I just wouldn't want to do it on someone else's schedule

Date Night Happiness

My sweet­ie had to run a bunch of errands before he got home last night, which short­ened our date a bit. Gro­ceries were need­ful, though. We had some deli­cious deli-style sand­wich­es after he got home, so there wasn’t a kitchen mess to deal with, too.

I think we watched an episode of West Wing while eat­ing. We’re on the fifth sea­son, after Aaron Sorkin left the show, and it just doesn’t com­pare to the pre­vi­ous sea­sons at all. I haven’t even both­ered to watch all of them, although Sam has. He catch­es me up on any impor­tant plot details I’ve missed between episodes.

The girl went out for her reg­u­lar Wednes­day night fun, which was also nice. It’s eas­i­er to have “date night” at home when we know she’s also hav­ing fun.

Much of our game was tak­en up with polit­i­cal stuff, and a nice sur­prise of 32 new pro­to-demons that my character’s min­ions were able to shape into full demons of need­ful types. She has many min­ions, which is mar­velous. Oh, have I men­tioned that she’s the Demon Queen now? Inter­est­ing side­line for a high priest­ess of a good deity.

I would real­ly, real­ly hate to have to do a char­ac­ter sheet for Seau­claire any more. She’d be so mul­ti-classed that it makes my head hurt just to think about it. It’s nice not to deal with such things any more.