More Interview

Ques­tions cour­tesy of boun­ce­pogo

1. When did you first learn about the idea of polyamory and rec­og­nize it in yourself?
I was active­ly poly by age 13 or so, in high school. I did­n’t have a name for it, but was part of a group of friends who all “dat­ed” each oth­er. I’d read some Hein­lein by then, but I don’t think we got the idea from him. It was just the nat­ur­al out­growth of 3 girls and 10 or so guys who were more friends than any­thing else want­i­ng to stop hurt­ing each oth­er as was inevitable when we a par­tic­u­lar cou­ple was “going togeth­er.” No sex (that I knew of), pret­ty much every­thing but sex. And def­i­nite­ly no same-sex involve­ment, ever.

I did­n’t meet adults who were actu­al­ly liv­ing any­thing but monogamy or ser­i­al monogamy until 1987, after my first divorce. A co-work­er and his wife had an open mar­riage. I did­n’t run across the actu­al word “polyamory” until the ear­ly 90s, online.

2. Have you always home­schooled, or has Katie attend­ed any “tra­di­tion­al” schools?
I want­ed to home­school before I even had a child, and Wayne agreed to that before we got mar­ried. We sep­a­rat­ed before she was two, though, and he changed his mind. So she began at pub­lic school, although both of us were always very involved and did a lot of out­side stuff with her from the time she was born. He died in Novem­ber 1999. She fin­ished third grade in pub­lic school but missed a lot due to health prob­lems. We start­ed home­school­ing full-time that sum­mer and have done so ever since.

3. I’ve been inter­est­ed in attend­ing a UU ser­vice. Give me some rea­sons why you think I should. (I grew up with a Catholic background.)
Why have you been inter­est­ed? Hon­est­ly, UU ser­vices vary great­ly from con­gre­ga­tion to con­gre­ga­tion. And some­times they’ll vary wild­ly from one week to the next in a sin­gle con­gre­ga­tion! So I would rec­om­mend inves­ti­gat­ing the con­gre­ga­tions near you and try­ing any that are with­in a rea­son­able dis­tance and going to each sev­er­al times before you make any judg­ments. A friend of mine attend­ed one ser­vice in Cal­i­for­nia with her hus­band’s grand­moth­er and decid­ed it was “too weird.” She has refused to have any­thing to do with it since or con­sid­er vis­it­ing a local congregation.

Also, Uni­tar­i­an Uni­ver­sal­ism is a very “roll-your-own” kind of faith. If you want some­thing, you usu­al­ly have to step up and get involved to make it hap­pen. It might be a good choir, a wom­en’s spir­i­tu­al­i­ty class, youth activ­i­ties, or a CUUPs (pagan) group—but if mem­bers don’t make it hap­pen con­sis­tent­ly, it sim­ply will not hap­pen. We tend to have very few paid staff mem­bers in our con­gre­ga­tions, and far more lay-led activ­i­ties. Peo­ple who want to sim­ply show up and attend X or Y don’t gen­er­al­ly like UU congregations.

I hap­pen to enjoy the fact that our con­gre­ga­tions are usu­al­ly pret­ty eclec­tic. The con­gre­ga­tion that I felt most part of had a very even bal­ance of phys­i­cal, men­tal, and spir­i­tu­al activ­i­ties on its calendar—Tai Chi, yoga, chess, writer’s groups, drum cir­cles, etc. I need a spir­i­tu­al com­mu­ni­ty that does­n’t ask me to turn off my intel­lect, and Uni­tar­i­an Uni­ver­sal­ism does pro­vide that.

I do get annoyed with some of the pol­i­tics. UU con­gre­ga­tions are usu­al­ly very involved in “social jus­tice” programs—community ser­vice with a polit­i­cal bent. I’m all for com­mu­ni­ty ser­vice, but I’m not a liberal/socialist Demo­c­rat and I don’t like some of the assump­tions peo­ple make about my pol­i­tics because I’m UU. I find it very impor­tant to speak up and make it clear that no, every­one in the con­gre­ga­tion is NOT in favor of gun con­trol or against cap­i­tal pun­ish­ment or cap­i­tal­ism or what­ev­er the top­ic of the moment is.

4. When did you begin to expe­ri­ence rheuma­toid pain, and did it take very long for it to get diag­nosed as such?
I don’t offi­cial­ly have rheuma­toid arthri­tis, but osteoarthri­tis. (Some of the lab tests I had last week make it look like I may have RA now, but I haven’t been able to talk to my doc­tor about them yet.) I’ve lost two inch­es in height due to bone dete­ri­o­ra­tion, so I’m only 5′7″ now (I just learned that a few months ago). Arthri­tis start­ed in 9th grade (age 13 again!) in my knees and has got­ten steadi­ly worse since then—it’s a fam­i­ly trait on Dad­dy’s side. Now there’s dete­ri­o­ra­tion pret­ty much everywhere—hands, feet, neck, you name it, but the worst is in my hips and knees.

Fibromyal­gia is real­ly what makes the pain so bad. As one expert says, “FMS is a sen­si­tiv­i­ty-ampli­fi­ca­tion syn­drome.” While it isn’t sup­posed to be a degen­er­a­tive dis­ease (one that gets worse over time), arthri­tis is. So the FMS makes the pain from arthri­tis worse, and there is degen­er­a­tion over­all. Fibromyal­gia was for­mal­ly diag­nosed by a rheuma­tol­o­gist in 1999 or so, but a gen­er­al prac­tice doc­tor had actu­al­ly used that diag­no­sis for symp­toms I had in the ear­ly 90s.

5. What is your major in school, and what do you hope to do with your degree?
I’m seek­ing a “Bach­e­lor of Sci­ence in Tech­ni­cal and Pro­fes­sion­al Com­mu­ni­ca­tion.” I want to be a tech­ni­cal writer. I’ve worked as one before and it was my favorite job, ever. I’m the only per­son I know of with a favorite tech­ni­cal writer (Woody Leon­hard). The first time I saw any doc­u­men­ta­tion relat­ed to com­put­ers, prob­a­bly when Dad­dy got a TRS-80 in the late 70s, I thought, “Damn, this sucks. I could do bet­ter than this.” Dad­dy chal­lenged me to do it, and I did. So after I real­ized that I real­ly hat­ed being an Eng­lish major and decon­struct­ing oth­er peo­ple’s writ­ing in an intel­lec­tu­al cir­cle-jerk, I remem­bered that and decid­ed that’s what I want­ed to do.

Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4247

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top