I like this bit:
While Zeta-Jones looked great in “Chicago”—she’s a nice, fulsome size—looking at Renée Zellweger in a tiny little flapper dress is like looking at Iggy Pop in a tiny little flapper dress, only on Iggy it would at least be subversive, and therefore sexy. I don’t want to see all of the divots in a woman’s sternum when I am looking down her cleavage. Collarbones should not look like BMX handlebars. Legs, preferably, should lead to an ass. Preferably, somebody singing and dancing should be able to sing and dance. And she can’t stop squinting. How the hell did Renée Zellweger get that role?