To That Crappy Judge

Dear Stu­pid Judge Owned by the Tele­mar­ket­ing Scum:

Yes, there’s a con­sti­tu­tion­al right to free speech. There is no con­sti­tu­tion­al right to make phone calls. There is no con­sti­tu­tion­al right to be heard.

If the first amend­ment pro­tects tele­mar­keters, aren’t the laws that lim­it the times dur­ing which tele­mar­keters can make calls also unconstitutional?

And while peo­ple may have a con­sti­tu­tion­al right to say any­thing they like, they don’t have a con­sti­tu­tion­al right to call oth­er peo­ple and say what­ev­er they like, or those laws against obscene and harass­ing phone calls would also be unconstitutional.

You can’t have it both ways, now can you?

How about we do it this way. The tele­mar­ket­ing indus­try can offer free phone lines to peo­ple in return for the right to call those lines about any­thing at any time.

In the same respect, spam­mers can give free email accounts and inter­net access to peo­ple who sign up and say they want them in exchange for putting up with spam.

I’m sure there are peo­ple who would take them up on the offers.

Then the rest of us, who pay for our own phone lines and inter­net access and email accounts, would­n’t get mar­ket­ing calls or spam. Any­body who does use those resources we’ve paid for is auto­mat­i­cal­ly fined some stan­dard amount—say $50 per unso­licit­ed call or email.

That would be per­fect­ly rea­son­able as far as I’m con­cerned. Any­thing less isn’t.