I don’t know why, but something manhattan said triggered thoughts about what I eat vs. what most people assume fat people eat.
For instance, today I’ve had one bowl of oatmeal, a grilled ham & cheese sandwich, a small spinach salad (spinach, slivered almonds, a teaspoon of raspberry vinaigrette), and about 48 oz of water (I carry around a 16-oz jug of water all the time, and I’m halfway through drinking the 4th full one, so I guess it’s more like 56 oz so far).
That’s more than I would normally have eaten by now. It’s very unlikely that I’ll eat much dinner (Sam is busy gaming, so he probably won’t be cooking or pushing me to eat). I ate a little more than usual yesterday—but not much. The fruit salad in the fridge may call to me, but it may not.
I’ve cleaned the kitchen, done laundry, cleaned our bedroom & bath, done several loads of laundry, and helped Sam & Katie clean up the living areas. Not enough activity to count as “exercise” but not just sitting on my ass.
So why am I so fat? I screwed up my metabolism as a teen, refusing to eat. I have PCOS and symptoms of hypothyroidism. I’m not able to be as active as I’d like to due to chronic pain and fatigue thanks to fibromyalgia and arthritis.
I don’t like eating in front of anyone because I’m so tired of having every bite scrutinized by someone. I especially don’t like eating in restaurants. One of the lovely things about not celebrating holidays with my family of origin is that I don’t feel like everyone is weighing my choices. I can eat in front of my family of choice and close friends—most of the time. When I’m really down, that’s hard too.
I’ve had many people suggest “keep a food diary” to me. They obviously think that I’m eating far more than I think I’m eating. But I do know what and how much I eat—it’s something I’ve been far more aware of since I tried Weight Watchers last year. I also know that I had to really work to eat ENOUGH each day for the WW standards. There isn’t some strange disconnect between my mouth and my mind that is hiding overeating.
I’ve never been a binge eater. I’ve never liked food that much. Food is something that I must deal with and that I’d prefer to avoid. There are many more unpleasant food-related memories in my past than pleasant ones.
So lay off the fat people you know. Don’t assume that they are overeating or just eating the wrong kinds of food or whatever. Back off. Please.
