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Defining Love

Plinky asked, “If you even­tu­al­ly break up with some­one, was it ever true love?”

Divorce and Chil­dren

What sort of sil­ly ques­tion is that? If a per­son dies, was he tru­ly alive?

Yes, rela­tion­ships based on true love some­times end. That doesn’t mean that they are fail­ures, any more than lives that end are fail­ures. The “hap­pi­ly ever after” thing is for fairy tales, and the idea of “one true love” should stay there as well.

It’s clear that most peo­ple are only pay­ing lip ser­vice to monogamy now by prac­tic­ing ser­i­al monogamy, so I don’t see why these out­dat­ed ideas hang on to cause mis­ery for so many.

I have been in many rela­tion­ships. I have loved each of those peo­ple. I don’t con­sid­er any of those rela­tion­ships fail­ures, nor do I doubt that I loved those peo­ple sim­ply because we are no longer togeth­er and don’t feel the same way about each oth­er now. I feel some affec­tion, at the very least, towards most of them, and more for some of them. That doesn’t both­er me at all, as a polyamorous per­son. It doesn’t set up any sort of con­flict. I’m not going to act on those feel­ings, because there were valid rea­sons for the end of each rela­tion­ship — but where there was deep love, there’s always some­thing left.

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