Family-of-Choice

A (slight­ly edit­ed) com­ment I left in Love­With­out­Sex:

Polyamory isn’t pri­mar­i­ly about sex for me at all, but about mul­ti­ple com­mit­ted rela­tion­ships with oth­er adults that may or may not involve sex. I have two SOs who are not lovers and who are very unlike­ly to ever be lovers. One of those rela­tion­ships has been sta­ble for many years now (more than five, get­ting close to ten).

Every rela­tion­ship is unique. Some include sex, some don’t. I don’t know that cer­tain rela­tion­ships “need” sex, but some of them def­i­nite­ly have a deeply sex­u­al vein. My pri­ma­ry part­ner and I have con­tin­ued to build rela­tion­ships with some of our for­mer part­ners that do not include sex, though those rela­tion­ships were as lovers in the past—things aren’t the same, but they’re still fam­i­ly-of-choice. They are peo­ple we val­ue high­ly, love, and would not want to lose. Some­times, for a mul­ti­tude of rea­sons, being lovers just does­n’t work with some­one. It might be a “right now” or an “ever,” but that does­n’t change the fact that those peo­ple are very impor­tant to us.

I def­i­nite­ly see a dif­fer­ence in qual­i­ty between friend­ships and SO/­fam­i­ly-of-choice rela­tion­ships whether they do or do not involve sex. I’ve had friends with whom I occa­sion­al­ly had sex, and I was­n’t as close to those peo­ple as I am with my fam­i­ly-of-choice (lovers and non-lovers). 

We keep our rela­tion­ships going just as we’d keep any rela­tion­ships going—we make time to be togeth­er. We com­mu­ni­cate. We don’t hold back. We call bull­shit on each oth­er, sup­port each oth­er through good times and bad, play togeth­er, work together. 

I can def­i­nite­ly see liv­ing with these peo­ple, rais­ing chil­dren togeth­er, stay­ing togeth­er for many years. That is one of the key indi­ca­tors, to me, that a rela­tion­ship is much more than a friendship.

Cyn is a proud Mommy & Mémé, professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4241

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top