Wow

The pain man­age­ment doc gave me a break­through pain med for the first time, because of the new diag­no­sis. It’s more morphine—just an instant-release ver­sion, this time. Sam got it filled for me yesterday.

I did­n’t expect a huge dif­fer­ence, hon­est­ly. It’s the same thing I’ve been tak­ing, right? At a quar­ter dose, even!

Wow.

There were a few hours there where I was­n’t aware of any pain but the neu­ro­path­ic stuff. I can’t begin to explain how dif­fer­ent that is. On my per­son­al pain scale, 1 = absence of pain = “myth­i­cal.” The last month has been full of 8s.

I was extreme­ly nau­se­at­ed and near­ly passed out in the mid­dle of Fry’s, but I was­n’t in hor­ri­ble pain. I’m still feel­ing bet­ter than usu­al, over 12 hours lat­er, par­tial­ly for hav­ing slept better.

I have 29 more of those tiny pills, and they’ll be stretched out as long as I can make them last. They’re worth more to me than dia­monds right now. I begin to under­stand why addicts “doc­tor shop” and scheme to get more pre­scrip­tions if their doc­tors refuse them. 

Heck, I’m start­ing to under­stand addicts, peri­od, in a sense. I’ve gone off the mor­phine, cold turkey, sev­er­al times now. Oth­er than hav­ing the pain back full force, and expe­ri­enc­ing increased anx­i­ety because of antic­i­pat­ing that, I haven’t had any side effects—certainly noth­ing one could call “with­draw­al.” I could get psy­cho­log­i­cal­ly addict­ed, at the very least, to these lit­tle mir­a­cle-work­ing pills. And that scares the hell out of me.

Cur­rent Mood: 🤔con­tem­pla­tive
Cur­rent Music: Con­trac­tors work­ing, dish­wash­er
Cur­rent Loca­tion: Kitchen
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4259

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top