Meandering Musings

I’ve got so many things on my mind that I want to write about that it’s hard to actu­al­ly sit down and focus on one topic.

I final­ly wrote an arti­cle that I’ve been threat­en­ing to write for over a year now. sam­bear is going to shop it around a bit. He sug­gest­ed a top­ic for a fol­low-up, so I’m mulling that one over.

All kinds of stuff came up on my first day of morn­ing pages about my inter­nal def­i­n­i­tion of “adult.” Very, very tox­ic stuff, and I think it’s tied into why I stopped writ­ing, stopped cre­at­ing in gen­er­al. I feel like I’m on the edge of some­thing some­how. Even my name does­n’t fit.

I’ve nev­er that I’ve had a name that was mine, tru­ly mine. Cyn­thia Lynn feels rea­son­ably com­fort­able now, but I’ve nev­er had a last name that’s mine at all. I’ve had my father’s name and three hus­bands’ names. I use Armis­tead because it’s Katie’s name—or real­ly, her father’s name. 

Even Tech­noMom, which has been my moniker for 7 years now, does­n’t fit. I’m still The Mom­my. I’m still a geek. But they aren’t the most impor­tant parts of who I am, and I want a name that fits bet­ter. I don’t know what that’ll be.

I’m feel­ing extreme­ly intro­vert­ed, too. In fact, I won­der if my delays in get­ting the apart­ment straight­ened out are due to want­i­ng to stay iso­lat­ed. What­ev­er it is, Sam has tomor­row off, and we plan to move out a lot more clut­ter if we can bor­row a friend’s truck.

Cur­rent Mood: 🙁rest­less
Cur­rent Music: Katie and Sam watch­ing <u>Signs</u>
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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