I’ve added notes to facilitate calculating your own score. I’ve never run across “pwhooar” before, but I’m assuming that’s something like the probability that said heels will be endangered by a ceiling fan.
Postulating $80 shoes, no alcohol consumption, and size 10 shoes (normally 9.5, but in my experience it’s best to go up a half size when wearing very high heels), I should theoretically be able to wear 11″ heels. I don’t think I’m going to try it!
h = Q•(12+3s /8)
h is the maximum height of the heel (in cm) Note: One inch=2.54 centimeters
Q is a sociological factor and has a value between 0 and 1 (see below to work this out)
S is the shoe size (UK ladies’ sizes). This factor makes sure that the base of support is just good enough for an experienced and sober, high-heel wearer not to fall over.
(Sorry guys — you’ll need to look up your own size conversions.)
Q’ is defined as follows:
Q = ———————————-
The variables are:
p – the probability that wearing the shoes will help you ‘pull’ (in a range from 0 to 1, where 1 is pwhooar and 0 is stick to carpet slippers). If the shoes are a turn-off, there’s no point wearing them.
y – the number of years of experience you have in wearing high heels. As you become more adept, you can wear a higher heel. Beginners should take it easy.
L – the cost of the shoes, in pounds. Clearly, if the shoe is particularly expensive, you can put up with a higher heel. Note: According to x‑rates.com, today’s exchange rate has 1 British pound equalling $1.82700.
t – the time since the shoe was the height of fashion, in months (0 = it’s the ‘in thing’ right now!). One has to suffer for one’s art, and if the shoes are terribly fashionable, you should be prepared to put up with a little pain.
A – units of alcohol consumed. If you’re planning on drinking, be careful to give yourself a little leeway for reduced coordination.