High Heels?

Scientists calculate how high heels can go

I’ve added notes to facilitate calculating your own score. I’ve never run across “pwhooar” before, but I’m assuming that’s something like the probability that said heels will be endangered by a ceiling fan.

Postulating $80 shoes, no alcohol consumption, and size 10 shoes (normally 9.5, but in my experience it’s best to go up a half size when wearing very high heels), I should theoretically be able to wear 11″ heels. I don’t think I’m going to try it!

h = Q•(12+3s /8)

h is the maximum height of the heel (in cm) Note: One inch=2.54 centimeters
Q is a sociological factor and has a value between 0 and 1 (see below to work this out)
S is the shoe size (UK ladies’ sizes). This factor makes sure that the base of support is just good enough for an experienced and sober, high-heel wearer not to fall over.

Note:

(Sorry guys – you’ll need to look up your own size conversions.)

Q’ is defined as follows:

p•(y+9)•L
Q = ———————————-
(t+1)•(A+1)•(y+10)•(L+£20)

The variables are:

p – the probability that wearing the shoes will help you ‘pull’ (in a range from 0 to 1, where 1 is pwhooar and 0 is stick to carpet slippers). If the shoes are a turn-off, there’s no point wearing them.

y – the number of years of experience you have in wearing high heels. As you become more adept, you can wear a higher heel. Beginners should take it easy.

L – the cost of the shoes, in pounds. Clearly, if the shoe is particularly expensive, you can put up with a higher heel. Note: According to x-rates.com, today’s exchange rate has 1 British pound equalling $1.82700.

t – the time since the shoe was the height of fashion, in months (0 = it’s the ‘in thing’ right now!). One has to suffer for one’s art, and if the shoes are terribly fashionable, you should be prepared to put up with a little pain.

A – units of alcohol consumed. If you’re planning on drinking, be careful to give yourself a little leeway for reduced coordination.