Intimacy: What It Is and What It Ain’t

I just found that there’s an email newsletter for the Radical Honesty site now. This is an article from it.

by Raven Dana

It isn’t the end product of romance, like the prize at the bottom of the cereal box. It doesn’t require similar ideas, shared beliefs, trust, friendship, physical attraction, or even a conversation. Intimacy has no agenda, occurs moment by moment by moment as a result of contact.

Look into another human being’s eyes without an agenda. Report whatever’s going on in your body, in your thoughts & external noticing, and BINGO, you’ve got intimacy. The paradox (one of them anyway) is that the POWER to generate and sustain intimacy comes from VULNERABILITY. That means letting down your guard and being with whatever is there. You can look into a stranger’s eyes without anything specific going on, and spontaneously Smile from that contact, that Intimacy that is a recognition of the reality that the BEING that you are is the same stuff as the BEING that I am. And that REGARDLESS of any perceived differences in beliefs, we ALL want essentially the same from life, we ALL have the same basic fears, we ALL are made the same way, and we ALL share a common consciousness grounded in both our physical experiences and our internal experiences.

LOVE is the result of contact. You can love anyone; a friend, a stranger or even someone you don’t like at all, IF you drop the judgments through conscious contact. Love is WHAT IS when we get our judgments out of the way. Love is the constant signal; WE cause the interference that prevents us from having what we want day after day. Our expectations, rules, beliefs and bullshit meaningless opinions deter us from having the bliss that is ALWAYS ALREADY PRESENT when we drop our judgments. It’s what happens when we reveal ourselves and uncover the very core of what we are beyond our right/wrong, good/bad insanities that prevent us from acting like the common family that we in fact are.

PRACTICE: Generate moments of intimacy intentionally with strangers by making eye contact, noticing what happens and reporting whatever is there for you. I notice when I look at strangers & they return my gaze I usually feel warm in the chest & I smile. I often voice an appreciation to them for their smile or something else about the way they look. DO THIS DUMB. I MEAN REAL DUMB. Just look, take a breath & see what shows up. Let me know what happens!

Raven Dana is a Certified Life Coach and Radical Honesty trainer with 24 years experience working with people. In addition to being a part time cheerleader for Radical Honesty and a full time friend of Brad’s, Raven runs her own coaching practice and leads workshops, both RH and her own. She is available for coaching by phone and can be reached at or by phone at 216.261.0181.

Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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