Graduate School Barbie

I’m posting this largely for kellinator‘s sake:

Graduate School Barbie comes in two forms:
Delusional Master’s Barbie(TM)
Ph.D. Masochist Barbie(TM).

Every Graduate School Barbie comes with these fun-filled features guaranteed to delight and entertain for hours:

  • Grad School Barbie comes out of the box with a big grin on her face that turns into a frown after 2 weeks of research or her first advisor meeting (whichever comes first).
  • Adorable black circles under her delightfully bloodshot eyes!
  • Comes with two outfits: a grubby pair of blue jeans and 5-year-old gap T-shirt, and a floppy pair of gray sweatpants with a matching “Go F*!k Yourself” T-shirt.
  • Grad School Barbie talks! Just press the button on her left hand and hear her say such upbeat grad school phrases like, “Yes, Professor, It’ll be done by tomorrow” “I’d love to write it all over again” and “Why the hell didn’t I just get a job, I could have been making $35,000 a year by now if I had just started working with a Bachelor’s. But noooooo, Mom and dad wanted a doctorate in the family”; “I wish somebody would drop a bomb on the school so that I’d have an excuse to stop working on my degree that’s sucking every last drop of life force out of my withered and degraded excuse for a soul…” (9 V lithium batteries sold separately)
  • Grad School Barbie is anatomically correct to teach kids about the exciting changes that come with pursuing higher education. Removable panels on Barbie’s head and torso allow you to watch as her cerebellum fries to a crispy brown, her heart race 150 beats per minute, and her stomach lining gradually dissolves into nothing.

Barbie comes with specially designed eye ducts: just add a little water and watch Grad School Barbie burst into tears at random intervals.

Deluxe Grad School Barbie comes with a “Snap” button, bendable arms and legs, and a small vibrating motor. Press the button to watch Barbie crumple into the fetal position and tremble uncontrollably. Fun for the whole family!

Other accessories include:

  • Grad School Barbie’s Fun Fridge(TM) Well stocked with microwave popcorn, Coca-Cola, Healthy Choice Bologna (99% fat-free!), and a small bottle of Mattel Brand Rum(TM)
  • Grad School Barbie’s Medicine Cabinet. Comes in Fabulous pink and contains Barbie-sized bottles of Advil, St. Johns Wort, Zantac, and your choice of three fun anti-anxiety drugs! (Barbie Medicine Cabinet not available without a prescription)
  • Grad School Barbie’s Computer Workstation. Comes with miniature obsolete PC (pink of course), rickety desk, and over a dozen miniature Mountain Dew cans to decorate your workstation with (Mountain Dew deposit not included in price, tech support sold separately)

And Grad School Barbie is not alone! Order now and you’ll get two of Barbie’s great friends!

GRADUATE ADVISOR KEN: Barbie’s mentor and advisor in her quest for increased education and decreased self-esteem. Grad Advisor Ken(TM) comes with a supply of red pens and a permanent frown. Press the button to hear Grad Advisor Ken deliver such wisdom to Barbie as

  • “I need an update on your progress”
  • “I don’t think you’ll be ready to graduate yet”
  • “This is nowhere near ready for publication.”

Buy 3 or more dolls, and you can have Barbie’s Defense Committee!
(Palm Pilot and tenure sold separately.)

REAL JOB SKIPPER: When Barbie needs to talk, she knows that she can always count on her good friend Real Job Skipper(TM), who got a job after getting her bachelor’s degree. Press the button to hear Real Job Skipper say, “Sometimes wish I went for my master’s degree” and, “Work is so hard! I had to work a half an hour of overtime!”
(Real Job Skipper’s Work Wardrobe, Savings Account, and New Car sold separately.)

WARNING: Do not place Grad Student Barbie and Real Job Skipper too close to each other, as there have been several mysterious cases of children leaving the room and coming back to find Barbie’s hands mysteriously fused to Skipper’s throat.

Author unknown, but I swiped it from mrpsyklops

Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4262

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