Abuse Survivors and Cycles

The more I learn about the case where the bod­ies of the two miss­ing girls in Ore­gon were found on Ward Weaver’s prop­er­ty, the more upset I am. Accord­ing to CNN, one of the girls, Ash­ley, had accused him of molest­ing her.

Why was­n’t this guy inves­ti­gat­ed more thor­ough­ly and imme­di­ate­ly after Ash­ley dis­ap­peared, con­sid­er­ing those accu­sa­tions? Fam­i­ly mem­bers and friends have said they had a close, and at times inap­pro­pri­ate, rela­tion­ship. They knew that and allowed it?

But it seems that nei­ther of these girls’ fam­i­lies pro­tect­ed them very well. Both of them were already vic­tims of molesta­tion. And appar­ent­ly, that fact made Ash­ley’s accu­sa­tions less cred­i­ble. Despite the fact that the ear­li­er molesta­tion was, in fact, proven to have happened.

Both girls’ fathers are con­vict­ed sex offend­ers. One of Miran­da’s moth­er’s boyfriends molest­ed her.

Vic­tims of abuse are more like­ly to be abused again, because of the psy­cho­log­i­cal dam­age they take. Chil­dren whose par­ents are abuse sur­vivors are more like­ly to be abused than oth­er chil­dren, because the par­ents’ psy­cho­log­i­cal dam­age makes it eas­i­er for abusers to gain access to the chil­dren. How many gen­er­a­tions of these girls’ fam­i­lies have expe­ri­enced abuse? I have to won­der. Did Miran­da and Ash­ley ever have a chance?

I’m a sur­vivor of child sex­u­al abuse when I was 3–4 years old by a man who was mar­ried to my aunt. “Every­body knew” that he was a “dirty old man” and so on. Nobody act­ed. Ever. They all thought “well, it’s not my daugh­ter.” And it was. They did­n’t even warn us! Nev­er! Yes, I’m still angry. Appar­ent­ly, they thought that warn­ings would fright­en us, so with­out the warn­ings, think­ing this was a man who could be trust­ed (hey, he was an uncle, right?), many more chil­dren were acces­si­ble to him. 

I was molest­ed again lat­er, when I was 7, by a 14-year-old male babysit­ter. His moth­er worked with my father. My par­ents trust­ed him to take care of me while they had din­ner with his parents.

I told both times. I did­n’t have the right words for what had hap­pened. I was­n’t believed. I would have thought that the blood my moth­er found on my under­wear would have been enough, but she accused me of hurt­ing myself by doing some­thing naughty. I stopped try­ing to talk to my par­ents much. The extend­ed fam­i­ly has ver­i­fied that my per­son­al­i­ty changed a lot dur­ing the first peri­od, and after the sec­ond I with­drew almost entire­ly into books for many years.

I don’t know if I take this kind of thing so seri­ous­ly just because of my expe­ri­ences or not. I hope oth­ers who haven’t had sim­i­lar expe­ri­ences take it seri­ous­ly, too. 

Please, pro­tect your chil­dren and teach them to pro­tect themselves.

Cur­rent Mood: 😡angry
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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