The remora to whom my partner was formerly married called tonight to pitch a fit—excuse me, “express a concern” over me mentioning “her” kids in my LJ posts. In particular, she was quite sure that the boy would be embarrassed by something I’d said about him, using his name. And she claims that some random friend of hers in San Francisco showed her a post (almost certainly the first one linked here) and said “Isn’t that your son?”
I’m reasonably certain that I know who pointed that out to her or caused it to be pointed out to her. But I suppose some random guy in San Francisco MIGHT have just been reading a strange woman’s LJ for no particular reason&mdashbut he’d have had to go back several pages to even get to the first entry that mentions the boy’s name. I personally doubt I’m that bloody interesting.
So I went looking. I can only find four instances in which I’ve used the boy’s name, ever, in my posts. And I cannot find anything remotely embarrassing about any of them—he was singing along to “Particle Man” seems to be as close as we can find. Or maybe that he went grubbing for worms to feed the stranded hatchlings? Perhaps that he was running a D&D game, or that he’s watched Monty Python’s Holy Grail?
So okay, I won’t use “her” kids’ names here. Seems stupid, considering that they are mentioned by name on sambear’s site, my site, and our family’s site. That info has been out for YEARS without a complaint from her. And the kids use their first names on their own websites.
She also kvetched that I referred to the boy as MY son. And I cannot find ANY record anywhere of having referred to him that way. I’ve referred to the kids, collectively, as ours, which is absolutely correct. I usually refer to my daughter and sambear’s son and daughter. I’ve been known to refer to him as my stepson at times for simplicity’s sake, although we are not legally married. I even did a freakin’ Usenet search to see if I’d said something like that at some point. Because believe me, I don’t want to engender any confusion about which children I birthed and whose rearing I’ve been responsible for from day one.
So most of my entries are friends-only or custom security now. And if there’s someone on my friends list who is showing my friends-only posts to someone who is not on that list (and not your spouse/life partner) or is otherwise communicating what is said in those posts to anyone who is not on that list, you’re slime.
One of the reasons I find this so very annoying is that people who actually give a flyin’ fuck about their kids don’t move a continent away from them, so it’s pretty damned hypocritical of someone who does that kind of thing to then worry about what the person who LIVES with them and is involved with them on a daily basis says about them on the net. ESPECIALLY when that person who is actually present in their lives is extremely careful about information security anyway, and the egg donor therefore refers to said co-parent as “paranoid” when she isn’t using other less complimentary terms.