Right, I’m a Bad Parent

Yes, Moth­er, I’m just spoil­ing my child. I’m delib­er­ate­ly ruin­ing her chances of ever hav­ing a decent life by refus­ing to force her out of bed at the crack of dawn every day. Obvi­ous­ly, I just made up the whole thing about her hav­ing FMS, too. Because that’s just hypochon­dria, you know, and I’ve taught it to my child.