Being Open/Available/Attractive?

A dear friend asked about how to improve his chances of meet­ing some­one and said that he does­n’t con­sid­er him­self attrac­tive. I do con­sid­er him attrac­tive. After I wrote and sent the fol­low­ing to him, I real­ized that I need to do a lot of these things myself.

sam­bear has said that I don’t meet poten­tial SOs because I give off an “unavail­able” vibe. I know that I don’t usu­al­ly feel very attrac­tive, and I do know for a fact that any­one who does­n’t feel attrac­tive isn’t going to BE very attrac­tive. I’ve been work­ing on fig­ur­ing out what I can change that does improve how I feel about myself, but those things will take a while.

So any­way, this is what I wrote to my friend, and I’d like feed­back if any­thing occurs to any of you.

Well then, we need to work on your rela­tion­ship with your body. If you don’t feel attrac­tive, you won’t be. It’s pret­ty simple.

Let’s see—you are in fair­ly good shape, and you’ve been work­ing on get­ting in bet­ter shape (and suc­ceed­ing) the whole time I’ve known you. I don’t think you real­ly dress to empha­size that, but it’s an asset. You look like you’d be a nice bal­ance of snug­gly and strong. 

Your face cer­tain­ly isn’t ugly. You wear con­tacts some­times, glass­es oth­ers, right? Updat­ing the glass­es frames and/or wear­ing con­tacts most of the time would be a good idea. 

As with Sam, there isn’t much to be done with hair that’s departing 😉

You have a very attrac­tive aura—very strong and peace­ful. That’s a major strong point.

You tend to real­ly see peo­ple you look at, which is always good. (Lady Sal­ly said some­thing like, “The only invest­ment that always turns a prof­it is to pay attention.”) 

You don’t smile near­ly enough! When you do smile, the smile isn’t just on your mouth, but everywhere—and that’s great. Try remem­ber­ing to smile more often—all the time, if pos­si­ble. It does­n’t mat­ter if you feel that you’re grin­ning like an idiot, just do it.

Openness—I’m try­ing to fig­ure out how to express that. Just being open and avail­able. Maybe think of it as hav­ing a fil­tered open­ing in your fields to let the right peo­ple in? Put spe­cial ener­gy into real­ly con­nect­ing with any­one you meet. I know I often tend to be wor­ry­ing about the fact that I don’t think I’m attrac­tive, or men­tal­ly writ­ing a to-do list, or con­sid­er­ing what a char­ac­ter is going to do in a story—many things oth­er than tru­ly being there for who­ev­er I encounter randomly.

Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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