A dear friend asked about how to improve his chances of meeting someone and said that he doesn’t consider himself attractive. I do consider him attractive. After I wrote and sent the following to him, I realized that I need to do a lot of these things myself.
sambear has said that I don’t meet potential SOs because I give off an “unavailable” vibe. I know that I don’t usually feel very attractive, and I do know for a fact that anyone who doesn’t feel attractive isn’t going to BE very attractive. I’ve been working on figuring out what I can change that does improve how I feel about myself, but those things will take a while.
So anyway, this is what I wrote to my friend, and I’d like feedback if anything occurs to any of you.
Well then, we need to work on your relationship with your body. If you don’t feel attractive, you won’t be. It’s pretty simple.
Let’s see—you are in fairly good shape, and you’ve been working on getting in better shape (and succeeding) the whole time I’ve known you. I don’t think you really dress to emphasize that, but it’s an asset. You look like you’d be a nice balance of snuggly and strong.
Your face certainly isn’t ugly. You wear contacts sometimes, glasses others, right? Updating the glasses frames and/or wearing contacts most of the time would be a good idea.
As with Sam, there isn’t much to be done with hair that’s departing 😉
You have a very attractive aura—very strong and peaceful. That’s a major strong point.
You tend to really see people you look at, which is always good. (Lady Sally said something like, “The only investment that always turns a profit is to pay attention.”)
You don’t smile nearly enough! When you do smile, the smile isn’t just on your mouth, but everywhere—and that’s great. Try remembering to smile more often—all the time, if possible. It doesn’t matter if you feel that you’re grinning like an idiot, just do it.
Openness—I’m trying to figure out how to express that. Just being open and available. Maybe think of it as having a filtered opening in your fields to let the right people in? Put special energy into really connecting with anyone you meet. I know I often tend to be worrying about the fact that I don’t think I’m attractive, or mentally writing a to-do list, or considering what a character is going to do in a story—many things other than truly being there for whoever I encounter randomly.