News from Fuddle River Schools

This was post­ed to TAGMAX with no attri­bu­tion, but I’m fair­ly sure it orig­i­nat­ed at Learn­ing Laffs:

THIS WEEK’S NEWS: Back-to-School Night

Greet­ings from Fud­dle Riv­er Schools.

The board met this week for its reg­u­lar meeting.

Teach­ers and admin­is­tra­tors from the high school were in atten­dance to dis­cuss prob­lems with their “Back-to-School Night.” “Back-to-School Night” is an annu­al event that allows par­ents the oppor­tu­ni­ty to fol­low their child’s school day sched­ule for short class ses­sions. In each class teach­ers briefly describe their cours­es and out­line their course and class­room expectations.

This year’s “Back-to-School Night” was marred by a num­ber of dis­turb­ing behav­ior problems:

- More than 100 par­ents were absent from the event. Almost all of the absences were unex­cused, and deten­tions were assigned. Thir­teen par­ents left before the end of the pro­gram, and their chil­dren were noti­fied by phone.

- Twen­ty-three par­ents were giv­en writ­ten assign­ments by the school health aide and sus­pend­ed from par­ent involve­ment activ­i­ties when they were caught smok­ing out­side the west doors.

- Forty-two par­ents were assigned deten­tion for bring­ing cof­fee and cook­ies to class­rooms even though they had all been warned that the cof­fee and cook­ies served in the cafe­te­ria were not allowed in the school’s hall­ways and classrooms.

- Mr. and Mrs. Thoglein were sent to the office when they refused to stop vis­it­ing with their neigh­bors dur­ing Mr. Beik­er’s expla­na­tion of his Biol­o­gy II curriculum.

- Mr. and Mrs. Perk­mann were sus­pend­ed for run­ning in the halls.

- Mr. Kel­ly, Mrs. Lan­g­ley, and Mr. Gille­spie were all rep­ri­mand­ed for using their wire­less phones dur­ing Miss Bow­man’s Amer­i­can Lit­er­a­ture pre­sen­ta­tion. Their phones were con­fis­cat­ed and are now being held in the main office.

- Mr. Thomp­son, Mr. Wern­er, and Mr. Fer­gu­son were all sent to the prin­ci­pal’s office for using the media cen­ter’s tele­vi­sion with­out per­mis­sion to check the score of the “Mon­day Night Foot­ball” game.

- Mrs. Hemp­stead was assigned a deten­tion for being in the halls with­out a hall pass and for refus­ing to give her name to the hall monitor.

- Mr. Hager was sent home for kiss­ing Mrs. Hager. Mrs. Hager kissed him back, and she was also sent home.

- Mrs. Tuck­er was assigned deten­tion for being tardy to each of her daugh­ter’s classes.

- Mr. Leighton and Mr. Lopez were sent to in-school sus­pen­sion for fight­ing over a park­ing space in the east park­ing lot.

- Mrs. Kemp was sent home for using a class­room com­put­er with­out per­mis­sion and then lying about it.

- Mr. Hoff­man, an inde­pen­dent insur­ance agent, was assigned to the Sat­ur­day clean-up detail for lit­ter­ing by leav­ing his busi­ness cards all over the school.

- Over six­ty oth­er par­ents were sent to the office for var­i­ous oth­er acts of insub­or­di­na­tion and dis­re­gard for school rules. Each will be expect­ed to have a con­fer­ence with a school admin­is­tra­tor before they will be allowed back into the school for oth­er events.

High school prin­ci­pal Hugh Bat­son pre­sent­ed a num­ber of pro­pos­als for improv­ing par­ent behav­ior at school events, and the board will review his pro­pos­als at their next meet­ing. Bat­son expressed his frus­tra­tion with the unruly behav­ior when he stat­ed, “Appar­ent­ly many par­ents have for­got­ten what appro­pri­ate behav­ior at school is. We’ll have to teach them. How­ev­er, if they are allowed to behave like this at home, I’m not sure what effects our efforts will have.”

And that’s it this week from Fud­dle River.

Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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