Grow Up!

This has absolutely nothing to do with anybody who reads my journal (as far as I know, anyway), or anyone in my household or circle of friends/family. It is a general rant against an attitude I’ve seen too damned many times, especially in posts to altparent but also today in dot_cattiness:

In the United States, except in fairly rare circumstances, you are considered a fully independent adult the day you turn 18. As far as the law, and most of our society, is concerned, you’re done with growing up and your parents are finished.

If your parents have done a sucky job of rearing you, as of that day it becomes your and only your problem, forever and ever. Your parents are not legally obligated to do a thing after that date. Whether or not you have finished high school or learned to read or cook or balance a checkbook or get your own ass out of bed in the morning, you are at that point responsible for whatever happens in your life.

Now, if you are fortunate, your parents have been responsible and they’ve been training you in Real Life 101. They’ve gradually been giving you more freedom and responsibility, given you chances to test your wings a bit and fall flat on your face while there’s still someone to help you back up to the nest (and a nest to return to). If you’ve actually been cooperative and taken advantage of the chances they’ve provided, you probably have a decent relationship with them anyway.

If your parents have attempted to instill a sense of responsibility in you, and have attempted to teach you the things that you’ll need to know to take care of yourself, but you’ve either adamantly refused to cooperate or are simply freeloading and expecting a free ride, you’re screwed. If your parents have any sense at all, the most loving them for them to do is kick you out and refuse to speak to you until you have gotten the clue and straightened yourself out.

If, however, you are unfortunate and your parents did not raise you to be a responsible adult human, right there around your 6566th day of life, you are free to walk away from them and do whatever it takes to fill in the gaps in your education. They have no legal right to restrict you in any way, just as they have no legal responsibility toward you.

Whining about what your parents have not or will not do for you becomes, on your 18th birthday, a symptom of a character flaw. Yes, it indicates very strongly to the rest of the world that you suffer from entitlement cancer. You believe that you have some god-given Right to have others take care of you, provide for you, and protect you from the Cold Hard World and, most particularly, the results of your own actions.

If your parents allow you to continue living with them without paying a fair market price for your room and board, be grateful. Thank them. Don’t bitch because they expect you to follow their household standards and respect their beliefs while living in their home. If you have offspring and you’re living with your parents, you’ve just abdicated your right to raise your child as you like—because you’re still in a dependent situation, yourself. Your parents have a right to input about your child’s rearing, and if you don’t like it you should move yourself and the child out to your own place.

As long as you live in someone else’s home, no matter how old you are, that person is in charge. That’s the way it works. If you are equal partners on the mortgage or lease, then you have equal say in what happens. If you don’t, the person whose name is on the mortgage or lease gets to call the shots. That’s life.

College tuition isn’t something to which you are entitled. Assistance in moving to somewhere you want to live isn’t mentioned in the constitution. There is no law that states that your parents must provide you with transportation, or help you learn to drive. Grandparents have relatively few rights with regard to their grandchildren, but they also have absolutely no legal obligation towards those grandchildren.

Now would you people grow the fuck up and stop whining?

Current Mood: pissed off
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4262

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top