Boundaries

Surpris­ing­ly, I’m almost fin­ished with a book I start­ed read­ing last night, Pro­tect­ing Your Chil­dren from Sex­u­al Preda­tors by Dr. Leigh Bak­er. I picked it up on a whim because it was on the new releas­es shelf at the library. Hon­est­ly, I don’t usu­al­ly get far in such books, because they start get­ting into mate­r­i­al that trig­gers flash­backs for me.

So far, this one has­n’t. There haven’t been any ter­ri­bly explic­it descrip­tions of molesta­tion, so I’m okay so far. And yes, I did know most of what’s in here, but I found some of the sta­tis­tics inter­est­ing. The step-by-step way the book fol­lows one preda­tor after anoth­er, point­ing out the warn­ing signs that should have tipped par­ents off to the dan­gers their chil­dren were in, is inter­est­ing. I think it could be very help­ful to many parents.

I’ve always been very pro­tec­tive of Katie, and very proac­tive in talk­ing with her and try­ing to edu­cate her in ways that might help her avoid preda­tors. Giv­ing her the real names for parts of her body, the whole “good touch/bad touch” thing, mak­ing sure that she under­stands that her body is HERS and nobody, no mat­ter who that per­son is, has any right to touch her with­out her con­sent. If she does­n’t want to hug Aunt Lucy, she does­n’t have to do it—and Aunt Lucy isn’t allowed to push. And, as she’s got­ten old­er, I’ve talked to her (in age-appro­pri­ate ways) about what hap­pened to me.

I was­n’t aware that chil­dren who have been abused in any way (sex­u­al­ly, phys­i­cal­ly, emo­tion­al­ly, ver­bal­ly) are much more like­ly to be abused again, even by com­plete­ly dif­fer­ent peo­ple in a total­ly dif­fer­ent set­ting. They’re more vul­ner­a­ble. The same goes for chil­dren who have expe­ri­enced the loss of a par­ent due to death or divorce, or have oth­er­wise been traumatized—predators seek out the most vul­ner­a­ble kids as their pre­ferred victims.

And, unfor­tu­nate­ly, being the child of an abuse sur­vivor great­ly increas­es the prob­a­bil­i­ty that a child will be the vic­tim of abuse. In some, but not all, cas­es, the abuser is the par­ent. But in more cas­es, the abuser is some­one who sees the dam­aged bound­aries of the abuse sur­vivor and takes advan­tage of them to gain access to the child. That’s def­i­nite­ly of direct inter­est to me as an abuse survivor.

I rec­om­mend this book to any par­ent, but espe­cial­ly those who are abuse sur­vivors or whose chil­dren may be espe­cial­ly vul­ner­a­ble due to oth­er cir­cum­stances. Teach­ers, Scout lead­ers, and oth­ers who work with chil­dren may also ben­e­fit from read­ing this book.

http://www.leighbaker.com/ is the author’s site.

Cur­rent Music: Putu­mayo World Play­ground CD
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
Posts created 4241

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Related Posts

Begin typing your search term above and press enter to search. Press ESC to cancel.

Back To Top