What is it that drives some people to constantly seek arguments? It doesn’t matter what you say, they have to pick at it. I truly think, on one mailing list, that I could just post, “Oh, I totally agree with you” and a few people there would still find a reason to bitch.
I have to wonder what they’re like in real life. Scratch that, I know what they’re like. You say, “What a great day! Everything smells so clean right after it rains!” and they respond with, “I hate all the mud” or “Damned county still won’t let me water my grass” or something else that’s negative, in a tone that indicates they suspect you to be personally responsible for the rain, and maybe the drought, too. If it hadn’t rained, they’d gripe about that, too.
People post to email sites, forums, and blogs to get responses, right? I mean, if they didn’t want a response, but do want their words read, they could just write something on a site with no commenting allowed, and not provide an email address. If the author asks questions, especially, one assumes they do so in order to solicit answers. It’s another thing altogether if they say, “I just need to vent” or “I need support, not suggestions.” I get that.
One of the good things about being at home is that I don’t really have to deal with such people off-line, for the most part. I don’t read the blogs of people who are constantly negative. I don’t really do Usenet anymore because I don’t like trolls. I prefer well-moderated mailing lists. Good fences make good neighbors, right?
Yes, I’ll probably unsubscribe from the list in question. I have before, and someone always writes and asks me to come back. I don’t do the pouty, “I’m unsubscribing!” bullshit, I just leave. When I don’t reply to questions directed to me, they realize I’m gone and contact me. I’ll just have to maintain my boundaries better this time.
And yeah, I just need to vent. Feel free to comment, but don’t expect to engage in a debate. I discuss. I don’t debate. I got any need to do so out of my system back in high school when I was on the debate team. I have a stepchild who would argue that the sun rose in the west if I said it rose in the east. He reminds me of my sister. Yep, done with debates.
Besides, this is about me feeling annoyed because of what seems, to me, to be totally irrational behavior. There’s no reason at all to debate feelings or beliefs because they aren’t facts.
That’s a particularly difficult kind of caller at work. It’s tough to find the right balance between addressing their concerns, and being drawn into their bitch-fest. I tend to keep bringing the focus back to what can actually be done, and wrap up the call when there’s nothing more to actually be done. That latter can be tough, too — but I’ve gotten pretty good at it.
Of course, at work I’m getting paid to deal with those people. Outside of work, I try to avoid that kind of attitude altogether.