Category X — The
Witty, amusing and a bit weird, you’re welcomed
into most social groups, even though you
don’t ‘fit in’ perfectly .
We are cut off from many of the people we socialized with in person over the last few years because they are still associating with (sleeping with, in several cases) the narcissist. That’s a lonely feeling. Some of our friends have moved far away, like rasilio and . Some have just been insanely busy with work, and we didn’t see much of them after moving way across town, so we need to rebuild stronger connections.
But for whatever reason, our world has shrunk somewhat, and it’s lonely.
I’m brutally honest with myself regarding the fact that few people want to put up with my unreliability. It isn’t a character issue on my part, but a fact of life due to my illness. I cannot make definite plans, period. It is not possible to know when I will have a severe migraine, or worse.
Old friends are naturally more understanding of that than new friends. Why would someone new believe me when I explain, or Sam explains for me, that I really do want to attend X event, but I’m unable to get out of bed? That whole invisible disability thing gives them no obvious clues as to how bad things can get.
Even old friends get tired of the excuses. I know I would.
But I do miss the rich social life we had a few years ago. I miss singing with a group, as we did with Trybalaka. I want to go to gathers and cons. I want to “just hang out” and dance again and game with new people. Shockingly, I’d even like to date someone again someday. I definitely want Sam to have other sweeties.
But I am very much an introvert, just one who can do a good job of putting on an extrovert mask for a time when necessary. I am self-conscious and insecure and terribly afraid of rejection. I am constitutionally incapable of pursuing a romantic interest. Telling someone I have a crush on him shocked the heck out of both of us. (The fact that he’s far away and an incredibly honorable person made it safer, but still…)
In any case, being adaptable could be a good thing in terms of expanding our social network again. I certainly have to work on my health issues. And it’s past time for me to post openly about some of the stuff that’s happened in the last six months, so expect that today or tomorrow.