Elegant Snark

The Hunt­ing of the Cat (with apolo­gies to Mr. Car­roll) from Jon Reid:

The Hunt­ing of the Cat

“Come, lis­ten my friends while I tell you again
The five unmis­take­able spats
By which you may know, where­so­ev­er you go,
The war­rant­ed gen­uine Cats.

Let us take them in order. The first is debate
About fash­ion and mat­ters of taste,
Which true Cats do dis­cuss, and the phrase that they hate:
De gustibus non dis­putam est.

Their habit of sharp­en­ing their claws on each other
Is some­thing that new­bies deplore,
But now and again one will agree to be mother,
And a new Kit­ten will take to the floor.

The third is their con­tentious­ness in what is tru­ly a Cat
Which they all love to ban­ter about.
Each believes that they know the truth in this spat,
And every­one else is a lout.

The fourth is their fond­ness for bait­ing the trolls
Should they hap­pen to ven­ture on one
They will fly to their key­boards like Repub­li­cans to polls
And have sent more than one troll on the run.

The fifth spat is them­selves, for true Cats can admit
When they are good sub­jects for cattery.
While the oth­er Cats will hail the tru­ly sharp wit,
A strange form of invert­ed flattery.

And although true Cats are quite amus­ing to find,
I still feel it is my duty to say
Some are Jack­als…” cross­fire stopped on a dime,
For rmjwell had faint­ed away.

With abject apolo­gies to Mr. Carroll.