“In Love” / NRE / Love

From a recent post I made to a mail­ing list:

“In love” is what I call that emo­tion­al­ly ine­bri­at­ed state that’s usu­al­ly at the begin­ning of a rela­tion­ship, but may be renewed or blos­som again from time to time. I fig­ure it’s the ener­gy that lets us be with each oth­er enough to find out how we fit togeth­er, to look past ini­tial “oopses” and such—to put in the time required to start grow­ing a rela­tion­ship. We’re more tol­er­ant then, but unfor­tu­nate­ly can be all too tol­er­ant and over­look impor­tant warn­ing signs that we tru­ly aren’t com­pat­i­ble or that a new part­ner has issues that will make a healthy rela­tion­ship either unlike­ly or impossible.

I do tend to think of it as most­ly the same as NRE,1NRE = new rela­tion­ship ener­gy with one impor­tant dif­fer­ence. I’ve noticed that monoamorous peo­ple usu­al­ly want to focus whol­ly on the per­son with whom they are “in love” right this moment, to the exclu­sion of any­one else. Polyamorous peo­ple in healthy rela­tion­ships usu­al­ly take NRE back to their inter­ac­tions with their exist­ing part­ners, caus­ing renew­al there as well.

Love is what keeps us with our part­ners through the whole “in sick­ness and in health” thing. It has to be lived as a verb more than just felt as an emo­tion. It’s liv­ing with some­one day in and day out, see­ing them at their best and their worst, and defin­ing wher­ev­er they are as “home.” It stays there even when you don’t *like* that per­son very much.

Cur­rent Mood: 🤔con­tem­pla­tive
Cyn is Rick's wife, Katie's Mom, and Esther & Oliver's Mémé. She's also a professional geek, avid reader, fledgling coder, enthusiastic gamer (TTRPGs), occasional singer, and devoted stitcher.
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