All-Snakes Day?

Is any­body cel­e­brat­ing that this year? I’m out of touch with the pagan crowd any more. I think the St. Patrick’s Day parade here in Atlanta was can­celed because of the tor­na­do Sat­ur­day. I was at home all day, so I didn’t both­er wear­ing green or even think­ing about it. One of the “dai­ly quote” emails I received includ­ed this bit of wis­dom:

Nev­er iron a four-leaf clover, because you don’t want to press your luck.

I have no idea how I got there, but I found myself read­ing Stuff White Peo­ple Like. I’d nev­er heard of it before, but from the num­ber of com­ments on every post, I must be in the minor­i­ty!

Most of the time, white peo­ple con­sid­er cel­e­bra­tions of Euro­pean her­itage to be racist unless they omit large swathes of the 16th through 20th cen­turies. But since the Irish nev­er engaged in colo­nial­ism and were actu­al­ly oppressed it is con­sid­ered accept­able and encour­aged to cel­e­brate their ances­try. For this rea­son, 100% of white peo­ple are proud to claim that they are some­what Irish.

A big part of St. Patrick’s Day is hav­ing white peo­ple feel par­tic­u­lar­ly upset at the oppres­sion of their ances­tors that has in no way trick­led down to them. If you find your­self talk­ing with a white per­son who tells you about how their great grand­fa­ther was oppressed by both the Eng­lish and the Amer­i­cans, it is strong­ly rec­om­mend­ed that you lend a sym­pa­thet­ic ear and shake your head in dis­be­lief. It is nev­er con­sid­ered accept­able to say: “but you’re white now, so what’s the problem?”

I’m still con­fused by the rec­om­men­da­tion that the read­er learn the lyrics to “Jump Around.” For one thing, are they “lyrics” when they are rapped more than sung? And, um, okay–I looked at the video, which seems to have some­thing to do with a St. Patrick’s Day parade. The lyrics don’t, though, that I can tell.

I’m hap­py to say that, accord­ing to the Full List of Stuff White Peo­ple Like, I’m not a typ­i­cal white per­son any more than I’m a typ­i­cal any­thing else. I’m hap­pi­ly me.

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