if you please…
Religious Road Kill Retrieval Right of Way Legislation
Religious Road Kill Retrieval Right of Way legislation is imperative if we are to save the lives of many mesmerized Pagans. We need to enact Statues that will strongly encourage the average motorist to be on the lookout for that hapless Pagan caught up in the “Road Kill Rapture Syndrome”. For those of you unfamiliar with the phenomena, it occurs when a Pagan becomes so enthralled with the fresh remains of the totem animal at their feet that they completely forget they are standing in the middle of an 8 lane highway at rush hour. We need to teach the general public to show some respect for this moment of Pagan enlightenment, and swerve. In that instant where the carcass gifted Pagan experiences both the deeply moving and conflicting emotions of Grief for the death of such a beautiful animal, and Joy for how great their new Grey Fox handbag is going to look, we must protect them. Give Religious Road Kill Retrieval Right of Way!
U.S. Treaty Incentives encouraging the mass importation of exquisitely aromatic, made from all natural ingredients, hand rolled by abused child slave labor, incense. For Ritual use only, of course.
A direct 100% tax deduction, based on an individuals regular hourly wage, for time spent answering e mail.
Scientific Endowments for research towards the advancement of Port-O-Let technology
Heavy lobbying of the Vacuum Cleaner industry regarding the hazard and economic loss that beads sucked into the vacuum cleaner intake represent. If we stand together, the day will dawn when bead filters (with collection pouches) are STANDARD (NOT just optional) equipment on ALL vacuum cleaners!
A joint Senate and House Resolution which directs the National Endowment for the Arts Committee to recognize “Tie Dye” as a unique art form with significant cultural merit.
Special tax credits for:
Households purchasing more then $300.00 worth of candles per year (credit doubles for beeswax).
The purchase of more then 6 bolts of black cloth in any 30 day period.
Proof of daily bathing for more then 30 days straight ( sponsored by Offensive Olfaction Anonymous, who offer the 12 step program “Clean and Pagan”).
Particularly the last bit. Very important!