I don’t trust monogamous people who have any expressed or perceived interest in my partners, even if it’s in the distant past, to be current friends with my partners.
It isn’t about my level of trust in my partners. It’s not about monogamous people in general. For instance, some of you are monogamous people with whom we’re friends. I have zero problems with that. In fact, at least one person who’ll probably read this is currently monogamous and has a history with sambear. I don’t have a problem with that person, either.
But people who I don’t know well enough to trust personally who are truly monogamous—nope, not okay. In my experience, too many monogamous people don’t really have healthy friendships with people of whatever gender they’re attracted to most strongly. They have that “but what if” thing going on in the back of their minds when interacting with anyone they see as a potential partner.
Yes, I know there are poly people who do that too. I know there are poly people who are not trustworthy and who are manipulative. But with poly people, if the attraction does bloom they’re more likely to say, “Oh, wow—let’s explore this” or “So what’s involved in us being lovers?” openly rather than turning to cheat.
But my personal pre-Sam history includes too many examples of monogamous “just friends” turning into cheating. Obviously, my partners bore equal blame for what happened, but I’m left with a residual distrust of monogamous people. That may be because in several cases polyamory was thrown back at me as justification for what happened as if the fact that I was poly should make me cool with anything. I haven’t seen poly people try that little bit of nonsense.
Nope, not wholly logical. But there ya go.
Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, I probably have a general mistrust of monogamous people simply because most of the monogamous people I’ve ever known were serially monogamous, in many cases with “overlap” between supposedly monogamous relationships. AKA cheating.
I don’t think the distrust translates into prejudice, but the possibility bears more examination.