Tag: chronic illness

How do you feel when you return home at the end of the day?

fractured reality/grace under pain

The NaBloPoMo prompt for today:
How do you feel when you return home at the end of the day?

I’m not sure I should have answered this one, as I doubt that my answer will be in sync with the intent of the question. I don’t leave home every day to go to work, or leave home every day, period.

However, when I do leave home, how I feel when I return depends on many factors. How did I feel before leaving? How long was I gone, and how much physical, intellectual, and emotional energy did I have to expend while I was out? Did I have to deal with anything unexpected, good or bad? How many people was I around? Were they strangers or people known to me? Did I encounter them all at once, or in small groups of one or two at a time? Was Sam with me as a buffer? fHow’s my blood sugar? Am I well hydrated? What was the weather like? Did I remember to take my regular medications? What about taking breakthrough pain medication, anxiety medication, or a muscle relaxant before I found myself in a state where they wouldn’t work very well? Did I use my scooter if there was much walking? How noisy was the environment? Was it drafty, or overly hot or cold? Did I have to drive? Was I out to do something I wanted to do, or was I doing something I had to do?

Frequently, I’m so dog-tired that I can barely drag myself in the door. I have actually fallen asleep sitting in the car, in the driver’s seat, more than once. (There are plenty of reasons that I do not drive much any more.) Dealing with the security system seems an intellectual challenge designed for Einstein. I’m easily confused and my memory is beyond poor. Even if I am dehydrated or I need to eat, I’m too tired to be interested in food or even water. If I was out for too long, or if it was a particularly stressful period, I get a fever and my body reacts as if I’m in shock. I feel like I’m freezing, no matter what the actual temperature around me is, and I start shaking badly.

So that’s how I feel most days when I return home at the end of the day, if I’ve had to leave home. I think that should go a long way towards explaining why I’m such a homebody these days! I am fortunate in that I have Sam, Katie, and others in my life, so I am able to have a fulfilling life without being very adventurous.