TotD: Emma Goldman on Love
Posted by Cyn | Filed under Love, Relationships, Thought of the Day
Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere.
Emma Goldman, “Marriage and Love,” Anarchism and Other Essays (1911)
Tags: Emma Goldman, free love, Love, marriage
What Can All Couples Learn From Same-Sex Marriages?
Posted by Cyn | Filed under News, Relationships
From
Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
One of the things the article points out is something I’ve definitely noticed, that how people handle resolve conflicts is far more important than how often they experience conflict.
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Tags: arguments, conflict resolution, GLBT, marriage, Relationships, same sex marriage
Poetry: Michael Blumenthal
Posted by Cyn | Filed under Poetry, Reading, Relationships
For my Sam
A Marriage
You are holding up a ceiling
with both arms. It is very heavy,
but you must hold it up, or else
it will fall down on you. Your arms
are tired, terribly tired,
and, as the day goes on, it feels
as if either your arms or the ceiling
will soon collapse.
But then,
unexpectedly,
something wonderful happens:
Someone,
a man or a woman,
walks into the room
and holds their arm up
to the ceiling beside you.
So you finally get
to take down your arms.
You feel the relief of respite,
the blood flowing back
to your fingers and arms.
And when your partner’s arms tire,
you hold up your own
to relieve him again.
And it can go on like this
for many years
without the house falling.
From Against Romance: Poems by Michael Blumenthal, Penguin Books, 1988
Tags: Love, marriage, Michael Blumenthal, Poetry, romance, Sam
I hate it when that happens
Posted by Cyn | Filed under Blogging, Family, Health, Home, News, politics, Relationships, Sex
I had an entry almost completely written, and it was good. Then I hit something badly with my numb hand, and my browser backed up a page. Now the entry is all gone. Yes, I should have saved sometime while writing, but I was on a roll.
So you’ll have to settle for knowing that I spent the day recovering from yesterday but my body is still pissy at me. Otherwise, I think the ACLU is very confused about what “public” means. According to the APA, I am not mythical (which is a big relief), and researchers at the University of San Diego say that same sex relationships may be healthier than opposite sex couplings. Finally, the Queen is firmly “lowering the ‘chav’ factor” at Royal Ascot, which is sure to make the world a far safer place. Or something.
Tags: ACLU, bisexuality, GLBT, marriage, royalty, University of San Diego
Procreate or else!
Posted by Cyn | Filed under Civil Rights, News
Ok — if heterosexual marriage is so sacred because it takes a man and a woman to procreate, those het couples had best be proving that’s why they’re married, right?
Or at least, that’s the logic behind a ballot measure proposed in Washington state.
Proponents of same-sex marriage have introduced a ballot measure that would require heterosexual couples to have a child within three years or have their marriages annulled.
The Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance acknowledged on its Web site that the initiative was “absurd” but hoped the idea prompts “discussion about the many misguided assumptions” underlying a state Supreme Court ruling that upheld a ban on same-sex marriage.
The measure would require couples to prove they can have children to get a marriage license. Couples who do not have children within three years could have their marriages annulled.
Note: Quotes are from the CNN article that was at http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/02/05/gay.marriage.ap/index.html, but has gone 404. See Initiative ties marriage, procreation for further information on ballot initiative 957.
Tags: Civil Rights, CNN, marriage, Marriage Alliance, procreation, same sex marriage, Supreme Court, Washington
What I learned from my past relationships
Posted by Cyn | Filed under Relationships
So I actually heard from someone via Orkut. I can’t remember if that’s ever happened to me before or not.
Anyway, I went to check out this person’s profile, and realized mine was way out of date. Someday, I swear, I’m going to reproduce all the questions all those different places ask right here on my own site, keep that up to date, and refuse to fill out any other profiles.
Anyway, one of the fields was “From my past relationships I learned…” I found the question more interesting that most, so I’m reproducing my answer here, expanded a bit.
from my past relationships i learned: Something different every time 🙂 A few of them:
Honesty is the only way to relate that’s worth bothering with.
Love isn’t enough.
Communication is priceless.
Relationships take lots of work from everyone, and sometimes they just aren’t sustainable.
Sex is often the canary in the relationship mine. Barring health issues that make sex impossible or unlikely, a decrease in sexual intimacy is usually due to a decrease in overall intimacy, which is Bad.
There’s no understanding crazy. Just walk away with as much of your sanity intact as possible.
Nobody deserves abuse.
Staying together is seldom “best for the kids.” In fact, I’ve yet to see a situation in which it was best for anyone.
There’s no way one (sane) person in a couple or other grouping is happy if the other is miserable.
If someone changes in a big way right after you get married, start trying to get an annulment. He isn’t the person you thought you knew.
While an adult can lie to you easily, his kids can’t. Neither can his pets. If either doesn’t behave consistently with what she says, or she doesn’t treat them the way she says she believes in raising kids or pets or whatever, she’s a liar. Leave before you get any closer.
Some things are worth the possibility of a broken heart.
“If you really loved me you’d…” means that the speaker is an abusive asshole trying to get you to do something that’s unhealthy for you.
Playing together is essential. So is working together.
People are not projects.
Knights are notorious for setting up new towers with you inside them. The only safe “rescue” is the DIY version, where you just walk out of the prison
What are yours?
Tags: Love, marriage, Parenting, Relationships, school of hard knocks