Enemy of Entropy
Miscellany
I lost track of who originally linked to what, so I can’t credit them properly. But thank you to whoever they all were, anyway!
Filed under “another reason I’m proud to be a homeschooler”: California court rules that private school can oust lesbian students. I do understand that it’s a private religious school, and that their denomination doesn’t approve of homosexuality. On the other hand, the girls’ parents chose to send them to that school, not the girls themselves. And demanding that everybody in the school be heterosexual makes every bit as much sense as demanding that they all be right-handed! (It also sounds like the school went WAY the hell overboard in interpreting the “evidence.”)
Can I get an “Amen”?! Ending Weight Bias: The Easiest Way to Tackle Obesity in America
This is news? Readers build vivid mental simulations of narrative situations, brain scans suggest
Not Good News: Mercury found in kids’ foods — and in pretty much anything else that contains HFCS. I’m confident of my ability to kick the soda habit, but totally avoiding HFCS pretty much means avoiding all processed foods. GAH!
This is so cool! Implants Tap the Thinking Brain
No surprise to me, at least: Watch out. The Internet will cut you
Reality check: Sorry, you don’t have a 200 IQ
Another no-brainer: Video Games May Hinder Relationships
What Can All Couples Learn From Same-Sex Marriages?
From
Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
One of the things the article points out is something I’ve definitely noticed, that how people handle resolve conflicts is far more important than how often they experience conflict.
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Interview: Chronic Pain and Sex
The interview we did is up!
Chronic Pain and Sex: a Couple’s Gentle Battle With Fibromyalgia
I’m pleased with it. There are very few, mostly immaterial inaccuracies.
The Three Love Systems From Social Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
From today’s Delancey Place newsletter:
In the terrain of the human heart, scientists tell us, at least three independent but interrelated brain systems are at play, all moving us in their own way. To untangle love’s mysteries, neuroscience distinguishes between neural networks for attachment, for caregiving, and for sex. Each is fueled by a differing set of brain chemicals and hormones, and each runs through a disparate neuronal circuit. Each adds its own chemical spice to the many varieties of love.
Attachment determines who we turn to for succor; these are the people we miss the most when they are absent. Caregiving gives us the urge to nurture the people for whom we feel most concern. When we are attached, we cling; when we are caregiving we provide. And sex is, well, sex. …
The forces of affection that bind us to each other preceded the rise of the rational brain. Love’s reasons have always been subcortical, though love’s
execution may require careful plotting. … The three major systems for loving—attachment, caregiving, and sexuality—all follow their own complex rules. At a given moment any one of these three can be ascendant—say, as a couple feels a warm togetherness, or when they cuddle their own baby, or while they make love. When all three of these love systems are operating, they feed romance at its richest: a relaxed, affectionate, and sensual connection where rapport blossoms. …Neuroscientist Jaak Pansepp…finds a neural corollary between the dynamics of opiate addiction and the dependence on the people for whom we feel our strongest attachments. All positive interactions with people, he proposes, owe [at least] part of their pleasure to the opioid system, the very circuitry that links with heroin and other addictive substances. … Even animals, he finds, prefer to spend time with those in whose presence they have secreted oxytocin and natural opioids, which induce a relaxed serenity—suggesting that these brain chemicals cement our family ties and friendships as well as our love relationships.
Daniel Goleman, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships, Bantam, © 2006 by Daniel Goleman, pp. 18
Definitely a book that I intend to read! I found Emotional Intelligence quite good, but had somehow missed this newer book.
I strongly recommend the newsletter, which brings interesting excerpts from an incredible variety of books to your mailbox every day.
What do you think? Is it all about the opiates? Do you have, or have you had, a romance in which all three systems were go?
The Challenge and a challenge/invitation
A few days ago I referred to the Change Your Life Challenge, but I didn’t really explain much, as I was in a bit of a rush at the time. I’ve been so excited about it, too, that some part of me thinks that of course everybody knows what it is!
Not so, silly Cyn.
So let me back up, and explain a little more about WHY I want to do it, and why I’d think any of you would have any reason to plunk down money to do it, too.
Every morning, no matter what else my email brings, I know there’ll be an uplifting message from Brook Noel. I’m honestly not a big fan of most generic affirmations or inspirational newsletters, but somehow Brook’s daily Good Mornings don’t annoy me. They avoid glurge, and I frequently add her quotes and affirmations to my PopUp Wisdom file.
I first “met” Brooke through her book, The Change Your Life Challenge, which I found at a local bookstore a few months ago. I learned that the book is actually based on a successful online program, looked it up, and was intrigued. It promises to teach:
- A step-by-step system for conquering clutter and keeping your home clean
- How to recreate the dinner hour and manage mealtimes
- How to make time work for you —instead of against you
- How to discover and live by your core values and beliefs
- How to implement the simplest “diet†in the world
- The “key†to never forgetting anything
- How to improve your relationships with the “5-Minute Miracleâ€
- How to end procrastination
- How to implement a budget and manage your money
- And much more!
I was worried because of the “70 day” part, though. What business did I have signing myself up for yet another calendar-bound thing that I’d end up having trouble with?
Well, I listed to Brooke’s podcast last Monday, and she happened to say that if she could go back and change anything, she would retitle the program as “A 70 STEP Life Makeover Program” and toss out the idea of tying it to the calendar. Forward motion is important, but making it fit your life is more important.
So yes, the Challenge is very much doable for anyone, including those of us who have chronic illnesses. It’ll be even more so in a small group of women who understand each other’s issues.
So here’s my challenge: I’m going to begin the 70 Step Challenge on July 15. I’ve set up a private group for anyone who joins up to do it with me. You’ll have all the normal (extensive!) support of the organization — there are thousands of people on her lists! — as well as a chance to build friendships within a smaller group of people in my group. We’ll do some chats, set up “buddies,” and use other techniques to help each other succeed. We won’t get tied up in rushing through the challenge as much as in working it with a sense of balance.
Won’t you join me? I’d love to get to know you better, and it’s always good to have more friends and a better support network.
I’m taking the Challenge.….are you?
Take the Change Your Life Challenge:
A 70 Day Life Makeover Program for Women
If you join through this link, I’ll be informed and will invite you to the private support group within 24 hours. I do hope to hear from you soon!
