Visiting Others’ Homes With Your Children

Posted by Cyn

When you are in some­one else’s home with your chil­dren, there are con­sid­er­a­tions beyond those of sim­ply being a pleas­ant guest. Far too many peo­ple seem to have missed some basics of being a decent par­ent, espe­cially while vis­it­ing, so here’s a list as a refresher.

  1. If your child has or has recently had any kind of con­ta­gious ill­ness or any par­a­site infes­ta­tion, inform your host of this fact in advance so that he may decide whether or not he wants said con­ta­gion or par­a­site in his home. Yes, lice count.
  2. You are respon­si­ble for your child at all times, period. Do not expect oth­ers to care for or mon­i­tor your chil­dren unless they have made a sin­cere offer to do so for this spe­cific occasion.
  3. Older chil­dren res­i­dent in the home in which you are vis­it­ing do not exist to act as babysit­ters for your child. If you wish to engage their ser­vices, make a spe­cific request to do so, with reim­burse­ment agreed upon in advance. Such arrange­ments are made for a spe­cific time period and should not be assumed to be in effect dur­ing future visits.
  4. Make no assump­tions as to the safety pre­cau­tions taken in oth­ers’ homes. Even if your host states that his home is “babyproofed,” peo­ple have wildly vary­ing stan­dards regard­ing what con­sti­tutes “babyproof” and chil­dren are remark­ably inven­tive in their abil­ity to find new ways to harm themselves.
  5. Watch your infant or tod­dler con­stantly and closely. Do not let a child of that age out of your view unless some­one else in whom you place a great deal of trust has offered to mon­i­tor the child. If some­one else is watch­ing your child, check on them reg­u­larly. Trav­el­ing with some­thing like a pack-​​n-​​play is highly recommended.
  6. Check on older chil­dren at age-​​appropriate inter­vals. Do not assume that all is well with­out assur­ing your­self of that fact through first-​​hand obser­va­tion. “I didn’t hear any­thing wrong” isn’t enough.
  7. When your host points out some­thing that your child is doing, there is a rea­son for it. Tak­ing no action or wait­ing for another to act is unac­cept­able. If your child just put some­thing in her mouth, you need to get up imme­di­ately and find out what it was unless the child is at table and you know that the only items within her reach are intended to be con­sumed by her. If your child has soiled his dia­per, you should be the first to notice it and take care of the sit­u­a­tion — not your host.
  8. Homes are not play­grounds, and should not be treated as if they were.
  9. Your host is not respon­si­ble for keep­ing items that might be dam­aged by your child, or that your child may use to hurt him­self or oth­ers, out of your child’s reach.
  10. If you do not dis­ci­pline your child imme­di­ately and con­sis­tently when nec­es­sary, it is very unlikely that your fam­ily will be wel­come guests in many homes. Do not place your host in the awk­ward posi­tion of need­ing to ask you to dis­ci­pline your child, or worse, doing so themselves.
  11. Rude or sullen com­ments and atti­tudes are not “just being a kid” or “just act­ing like a teen.” They are rude and unpleasant.
  12. If your child is being very dis­rup­tive, poorly behaved, or sim­ply unpleas­ant, you should excuse your­self and your child from the occa­sion. That may mean end­ing a din­ner or other planned event early, but such is to be expected as a par­ent or hosts of fam­i­lies with children.
  13. Teach your child that it is never appro­pri­ate to touch other peo­ple in any way with­out their spe­cific consent.
  14. Soiled dia­pers should be removed to an out­side trash con­tainer imme­di­ately, regard­less of whether or not you detect a smell.
  15. Do not allow your child to wan­der about with food or drink, espe­cially with those that may cause stains, unless you are invited to do so by your host. Assume that chil­dren are expected to remain in the kitchen or din­ing room with their comestibles.
  16. If you are the par­ent of a child who is too young to enter­tain him­self qui­etly on his own, bring some kind of quiet diver­sion for him with you. Col­or­ing books and crayons or col­ored pen­cils, a favorite toy or book, etc. are good. Do not assume that your host has such items, or is oblig­ated to pro­vide them, in her home.
  17. Par­ents of small chil­dren should always travel with bot­tles, sippy cups, food or drink for their chil­dren, dia­pers, wipes, and a change of cloth­ing. Please do not bring food and drink that are highly likely to cause stains — brightly col­ored drinks, tomato-​​based foods, etc. — into oth­ers’ homes unless you will be mon­i­tor­ing their con­sump­tion very closely and con­fin­ing your chil­dren to the kitchen while con­sum­ing them.
  18. Clean your chil­drens’ hands and faces imme­di­ately after meals or snacks, or have them do so. Grubby hands cause stains. Like­wise, make sure that they always wash their hands thor­oughly after any trip to the bathroom.
  19. Teach your child that the only accept­able sur­faces for col­or­ing, writ­ing or paint­ing on are those that have been pro­vided solely for that pur­pose. My child never marked on any wall or col­ored in any book other than a col­or­ing book despite hav­ing con­stant access to art sup­plies from tod­dler­hood, so I know per­fectly well that this is, indeed, possible.
  20. If you are in the habit of using screen-​​based activ­i­ties (tele­vi­sion, com­puter or video games, etc.) as a paci­fier for your chil­dren of any age, that is unfor­tu­nate. Do not expect to do so in oth­ers’ homes.
  21. If you have been invited to engage in a par­tic­u­lar activ­ity, such as gam­ing, watch­ing a movie, or mak­ing music, make sure that your chil­dren do not dis­rupt that activ­ity or at least min­i­mize those dis­rup­tions as much as pos­si­ble. We, for instance, are very tol­er­ant of the needs of infants and tod­dlers that are likely to arise while gam­ing, but some peo­ple are not. If your older child has been invited to attend an event with you, but has not been invited to join a game, the host will have pre­sum­ably pro­vided some other area in which he may spend his time. Don’t expect the host to pro­vide diver­sions, and do not allow your child to sit with you unless that is accept­able to the host or GM.
  22. When invited to a social event, if chil­dren are not specif­i­cally invited, do not take them with­out ask­ing your host for per­mis­sion to do so. Some enter­tain­ments are adult-​​only, and chil­dren can be dis­rup­tive or change the feel­ing of such events by their very presence.
  23. Respect your child’s sleep­ing and eat­ing sched­ule when mak­ing social plans. Do not arrive with a cranky tod­dler who is off his sched­ule because you were not think­ing about the time. Do not assume that there will be a place for you to put the child down for a nap.
  24. Even those who dearly love chil­dren and adore your chil­dren in par­tic­u­lar, are likely to find the pres­ence of infants and tod­dlers very tir­ing if they are not accus­tomed to liv­ing with them on a daily basis. Do not out­stay your welcome.

Permalink | June 26th, 2012

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