Enemy of Entropy
Archive for Relationships
Maybe It Isn’t the Flu
Katie seems to be feeling a bit better. She slept through most of the day, and just got up a few minutes ago (right at the end of my and Sam’s date) feeling like she could eat something. Solid food, even! That’s progress. Since she didn’t have any antivirals, I don’t think this was really the flu. She should still be much sicker if it was. I’m not at all unhappy about that. Read on…
What was her name?
While I was reading friends’ updates at Facebook today, something reminded me of a girl I knew back in high school. She went to my high school, and as far as I know she was in my graduating class. I didn’t meet her at school, though, and I don’t think our paths crossed there. I knew her from church. She introduced me to the guy who became my first husband (who she had dated in the recent past).
Now I’m driving myself nuts, because I absolutely cannot remember her name! I can see her face, plain as day. I remember that she had a somewhat uncommon last name. I think she had an older brother who had been a big deal on the football team a year or three ahead of us. Why can’t I remember her name?
I’m really bad with names, honestly. A Facebook application was asking me to verify 130+ people as high school classmates, and truly, I didn’t recognize many of them at all. I didn’t remember most of the people I saw at our five year reunion. After 25 years? I’m hopeless.
Maybe I should get my old yearbooks out and look at Facebook and the yearbooks at the same time. I don’t know that I’d be any better that way, either. I need context for most people — not just a face and a name, but also something like “that guy from homeroom who was always drawing cars in his notebooks” or “that soprano who bathed in Emeraude” or “the cute geeky drummer who seldom made eye contact with anybody” (okay, him I’d recognize, and I do remember his name).
Our yearbooks aren’t the sort that listed people’s activities with their photos. You would have to search through all the activity listings to find out who did what, which is much more annoying.
Anniversary!
Ten years ago today, Sam took me out on our first “real” date (as in, without the kids or anyone else). Thank you, love. Here’s to many more decades!
TotD: Emma Goldman on Love
Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful molder of human destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere.
Emma Goldman, “Marriage and Love,” Anarchism and Other Essays (1911)
TotD: Carter Heyward on Love
Love, like truth and beauty, is concrete. Love is not fundamentally a sweet feeling; not, at heart, a matter of sentiment, attachment, or being “drawn toward.” Love is active, effective, a matter of making reciprocal and mutually beneficial relation with one’s friends and enemies. Love creates righteousness, or justice, here on earth. To make love is to make justice. As advocates and activists for justice know, loving involves struggle, resistance, risk. People working today on behalf of women, blacks, lesbians and gay men, the aging, the poor in this country and elsewhere know that making justice is not a warm, fuzzy experience. I think also that sexual lovers and good friends know that the most compelling relationships demand hard work, patience, and a willingness to endure tensions and anxiety in creating mutually empowering bonds.
For this reason loving involves commitment. We are not automatic lovers of self, others, world, or God. Love does not just happen. We are not love machines, puppets on the strings of a deity called “love.” Love is a choice – not simply, or necessarily, a rational choice, but rather a willingness to be present to others without pretense or guile. Love is a conversion to humanity – a willingness to participate with others in the healing of a broken world and broken lives. Love is the choice to experience life as a member of the human family, a partner in the dance of life, rather than as an alien in the world or as a deity above the world, aloof and apart from human flesh.
