Enemy of Entropy

The Geek Who Understands You

How do you feel when you return home at the end of the day?

fractured reality/grace under pain

The NaBloPoMo prompt for today:
How do you feel when you return home at the end of the day?

I’m not sure I should have answered this one, as I doubt that my answer will be in sync with the intent of the ques­tion. I don’t leave home every day to go to work, or leave home every day, period.

How­ever, when I do leave home, how I feel when I return depends on many fac­tors. How did I feel before leav­ing? How long was I gone, and how much phys­i­cal, intel­lec­tual, and emo­tional energy did I have to expend while I was out? Did I have to deal with any­thing unex­pected, good or bad? How many peo­ple was I around? Were they strangers or peo­ple known to me? Did I encounter them all at once, or in small groups of one or two at a time? Was Sam with me as a buffer? fHow’s my blood sugar? Am I well hydrated? What was the weather like? Did I remem­ber to take my reg­u­lar med­ica­tions? What about tak­ing break­through pain med­ica­tion, anx­i­ety med­ica­tion, or a mus­cle relax­ant before I found myself in a state where they wouldn’t work very well? Did I use my scooter if there was much walk­ing? How noisy was the envi­ron­ment? Was it drafty, or overly hot or cold? Did I have to drive? Was I out to do some­thing I wanted to do, or was I doing some­thing I had to do?

Fre­quently, I’m so dog-​​tired that I can barely drag myself in the door. I have actu­ally fallen asleep sit­ting in the car, in the driver’s seat, more than once. (There are plenty of rea­sons that I do not drive much any more.) Deal­ing with the secu­rity sys­tem seems an intel­lec­tual chal­lenge designed for Ein­stein. I’m eas­ily con­fused and my mem­ory is beyond poor. Even if I am dehy­drated or I need to eat, I’m too tired to be inter­ested in food or even water. If I was out for too long, or if it was a par­tic­u­larly stress­ful period, I get a fever and my body reacts as if I’m in shock. I feel like I’m freez­ing, no mat­ter what the actual tem­per­a­ture around me is, and I start shak­ing badly.

So that’s how I feel most days when I return home at the end of the day, if I’ve had to leave home. I think that should go a long way towards explain­ing why I’m such a home­body these days! I am for­tu­nate in that I have Sam, Katie, and oth­ers in my life, so I am able to have a ful­fill­ing life with­out being very adventurous.


What was your favourite part about returning to school?


What is the first thing you see when you walk in your house?


  1. Thanks for this… when I come in the door after work I am hor­ri­fied by the state of my home (fibro means that I have to con­cen­trate on doing what it takes to ensure my home isn’t closed for health vio­la­tions). If only I could make it what every­one says it should be… a refuge… but hav­ing a full time job, a 70 year old hus­band with arthri­tis, a 4 hour a day round trip com­mute to a high stress job in Boston, a dog, a cat, and two guinea pigs… means I don’t make much progress! Just took the dog to the state park for a walk on a lovely fall day, but trade­offs mean I’ll hang in and make sup­per for my hus­band, then go to bed. That’s my day. For some rea­son, I think you can relate!

    Love the NaBloPoMo prompts, maybe I will use them to get me writ­ing. And the image with this post really com­mu­ni­cated the pain of hav­ing fibro. Thank you.

  2. Cyn

    Nice to see you here!

    I def­i­nitely under­stand. I’d freak out if any­body but fam­ily were to visit here right now. Prob­a­bly just lay right down and die! And I don’t work.

    A four hour com­mute? That’s like hav­ing a sec­ond job!

    A cou­ple of my recent posts aren’t show­ing, so I need to trou­bleshoot them.

    The image is incred­i­ble. I found it on Flickr, and am def­i­nitely watch­ing that artist, who is very talented.

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