Welcome Aboard!

Cour­tesy of The Econ­o­mist, a look at what truth­ful in-flight announce­ments might sound like.

Your life-jack­et can be found under your seat, but please do not remove it now. In fact, do not both­er to look for it at all. In the event of a land­ing on water, an unprece­dent­ed mir­a­cle will have occurred, because in the his­to­ry of avi­a­tion the num­ber of wide-bod­ied air­craft that have made suc­cess­ful land­ings on water is zero. This air­craft is equipped with inflat­able slides that detach to form life rafts, not that it makes any dif­fer­ence. Please remove high-heeled shoes before using the slides. We might as well add that space hel­mets and anti-grav­i­ty belts should also be removed, since even to men­tion the use of the slides as rafts is to enter the realm of sci­ence fiction.

Not rec­om­mend­ed for fear­ful fly­ers, obviously.

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